Alright. I’m forcing myself to sit down and write again. Normally after the kiddo goes to sleep, I waste my time between watching semi-entertaining re-runs on Netflix and doing whatever verb you would use for Facebook. Fine, facebooking. Anyways, tonight I’m only writing and facebooking. That’s better, right?
Lately I’ve had a lot on my mind when it comes to parenting. My 17-month-old boy is at a crossroads we’ll call “Stage 1 Terrible Twos.” I call it “Stage 1” because the attitude has just begun. The little flare of power he seems to get in his eyes as he throws the word “No” around seems to appear more and more now. “What? Mommy’s on a very important phone call? I must throw every book in my arsenal of sweet children’s books across the room to get her attention. Hmmmmn. She’s ignoring me? Let’s see if chucking the family shoes off the shelf does the trick!”
After the phone call episode (which was a particularly emotionally draining day) I had had it. He definitely got a stern “talkin’ to” then a swat on the backside for that. As I type this, I’m 6-and-a-half months pregnant, and I’m sure the vision of a giant bison of a mom coming at him with pure frustration in her face probably frightened him more than the actual spanking. * Note: Don’t run and call CPS just yet. Spanking is not something we take lightly and is done with a lot of thought. I never spank if I’m fuming and take time to comfort my child after and explain to him (as much as he can understand at this point) why it happens. Breaks my heart every time, but I know it’s nothing compared to how I would feel if he had to deal with the consequences of having never received discipline at all.
Back in the day, when I was young, idealistic college student I would tell myself I probably wouldn’t spank when I had kids. Spanking would only be a last resort and rarely used. In fact, there were a lot of subjects I was convinced I was an expert on. ‘Cause hey, I was studying child development and I was a kid once and how hard can it be? Bahahahahahahaha. Silly Dani. Just you wait and see.
I love my friends who are not yet parents. They are awesome. Being friends with non-parents adds some flavor to life and helps round me out as a person. I do think its funny though that some of them have the same very intense feelings about certain aspects of parenting that they actually have no experience with. I guess this entry will be an ode to them, because I used to be one too. But I got edu-ma-cated....through experience.
Perhaps this is a bit random, but if you haven’t yet read the blog www.rantsfrommommyland.com, you should definitely check it out. I recently discovered it and the ladies who write for it are awesome. It’s as if the stuff I have floating in my head sometimes and don’t know how to get out, they have it too, only they express it far better than I ever could. They have an article about saying “I’ll never” with your kids that is similar in theme, but like I said, way better.
Back to “B.C. Thinking”. B.C.= Before child. Yes, the spanking one was one of my main ones. Turns out, if you are wanting to raise your kids with a sense of Biblical parenting, spanking is involved. It’s never out of anger or to gain something for yourself. It’s to be used as a tool of teaching. It’s aim shouldn’t be to embarrass the child, but to remind them. Sometimes all I have to do now is ask my lil guy if he needs a spanking when he is doing something wrong. He usually says “no” and stops what he is doing. And that is awesome, because that is self-discipline starting.
Another B.C ideal: “My kid isn’t going to watch hardly any TV at all.” Haha. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I want him glued to the boob-tube all day long with a remote in one hand and a sippy cup of chocolate milk in the other, but I kid you not, sometimes I thank God for “The Backyardigans”. If putting on a sweet, musical, colorfully animated show buys me 15 minutes of whine-free time for cooking, eating, or just sitting and making the Braxton-Hicks go away, I say “Rock on, Uniqua!” I’m hopeful he’ll still be a functional member of society someday in spite of it.
B.C. ideal: “I’m going to be a cute mom. And wear cute clothes. And do my make-up all cute ‘n stuff. Those moms who pack on a few pounds after are just lazy.” WRONG! Anyone who has seen me in the last few months especially can attest to this fact. After I had boy #1, I was a mess. I was lucky to get a shower in everyday. Even then, my hair got half-brushed and thrown into a bun. Forget make-up, that was just one more thing to have to wipe off at the end of the day, and I just wanted to get to bed before the next round of crying/nursing/burping/cleaning started. As for hitting the gym, that was very hard to get back in to. Turns out, having a C-section does quite a number on the abs. Maybe its because 2 surgeons ripped my muscles apart and pulled a human being through them. The first time I did a sit-up at 8 weeks post-delivery, I thought I was going to die. I actually cried at the gym. So its not laziness, its pain. And it doesn’t happen overnight. Unless you have a nanny, personal trainer, personal chef and maybe some lipo. I went to the gym 3 days a week for about 11 months. And while I lost some weight and toned up a little bit, my body was never the same after baby boy. I understand that now and have come to terms with it. My stomach will never be completely flat ever again and the scar on it is still numb, but totally worth it. I started wearing make-up again and trying to dress somewhat attractive (especially when the hubby came back from his deployment) but I learned a lesson in grace. Most moms need some. I will never judge a mom again the way I did “B.C.” Have a heart people...er,um, Dani.
I think I’ve hit my limit for the night. The kid is asleep, the husband just got home and and the baby in my belly is demanding a snack. I’m sure more “B.C” gems will pop into my head and make me laugh down the road. Becoming a parent is definitely a learning experience. It is also a big slice of Humble Pie. For my friends who haven’t crossed over to the dark side yet, be warned. You will laugh at your former self. And that’s ok.
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